I don’t sing, but I encourage other people at Karaoke clubs.
For the first half hour of the day, I write down whatever comes to mind.
I made money in college twisting ballon animals. When people asked what I did, I told them I was a professional entertainer.
I had my first experience of bondage as a kid, after watching Linda Carter play Wonder Woman, I tied up the neighbor’s kid and made her tell me the truth.
I have a celebrity crush on Hillary Swank in ‘Boys Don’t Cry.’
I love flowers so much that I once lied on my resume to get a job as a botanical tour guide.
At my wedding, I wore the sexy black bow tie, and Michael wore white, then we took it all off to perform a public consummation.
I’m a rancher’s daughter, I spent my childhood summers in Mexico breeding bunny rabbits. Now I’m a vegetarian.
Crystals, gems and stones talk to me, in fact, sometimes they shout.
I survived an entire semester in college eating nothing but coffee, popcorn and prozac.
I once did performance art where I had the audience vote where they wanted to see me get pierced and was relieved when they chose my belly button–instead of my clit–because she then performed a live piercing onstage.
My 93 year old grandmother is my biggest fan (even though she thinks I am a cult leader.)
When I dress in drag, I go by “Monte.”
I make clouds disappear just by staring at them.
I think in Facebook status updates.
I talk to my dead grandfather, often.
I am double jointed.
In my one woman show “the Sacred Slut Series” I self pleasured onstage in front of hundreds of people. It was a tribute to Annie Sprinkle’s “Legend of the Ancient Sacred prostitute.” OK, maybe everyone already knows this about me, but it was the most transcendental experience of my life.
I am not afraid of sharks. I love to swim in the ocean when I’m on my period.
I am learning to play violin with my son.
I love cucumbers. I started a vegetable garden just so that I can grow my own homemade dildos.
I have over 50 cousins, my Grandmother had 18 pregnancies in Mexico.
I’ve lost a half a dozen bras going to Ani DiFranco concerts, through the years.
I backpacked for 6 months around Western Europe with a Euro-rail pass eating at Hare Krishna centers and sleeping on couches of women I met at lesbian clubs.
Gratitude often moves me to tears, and can’t remember a day in my life when I didn’t cry.