Episode 2 of the polyamorous show Polyamory: Married and Dating introduces two important issues for people who are wanting to open their love life to Polyamory. First, the issue of New Relationship Energy, such as the hot honeymoon chemistry that I have with Roxanne (also known as NRE.) Second, the issue of inclusion.
Here are two brief promo clips from Episode 2. In this first piece we see how the San Diego Family deals with the fact that Kamala Devi is not ready to share Roxanne which is not okay with Michael.
Meanwhile in Riverside we see how Anthony and Vanessa take it upon themselves to meet Lindsey’s boyfriend, Christoph. In a clip titled, “This isn’t Awkward.”
NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY (NRE) is a term used to describe the intoxicating state of ‘falling in love.’ It is another term for the initial fantasy phase of a sexual or romantic relationship that usually lasts between 3 months to a year. In long distance relationships it can last up to two years. It is characterized by heightened sexual and emotional excitement and can affect one’s ability to make rational decisions. The term originated in the writings of Zhahai Stewart in the 80s. It is similar to experiences of Honeymoon, puppy love, crushing, blind love and sometimes even obsession.
When practicing Polyamory, it is important to understand NRE and it’s potential side affects because it can heavily affect all prior relationships. Some people seek after it and celebrate it, while others are triggered and avoid it. It is best to recognize and have compassion for our polyamorous lovers who are undergoing the affects of NRE. To minimize jealousy by those who are not involved in the NRE, we must reassure older partners and celebrate the differences that each relationship offers. It is possible to feel happy for all those experiencing New relationship energy as well as allow it to enhance and enrich the older relationships. It is also best not to make any life changing decisions while under the influence of NRE. The euphoric feelings and attachments can distort our perceptions, minimizing the negative issues or concerns that might otherwise be taken into consideration.
The second topic that I want to shed light on is the issue of Inclusion. Inclusion is the act of embracing, accepting, and involving other lovers into already existing relationships. In episode 2 of the polyamorous show Polyamory: Married and Dating, the bulk of the emotional challenges stem from feelings of exclusion. Exclusion is where partners are feeling left out or like they are missing out, or there is a perception that the new relationship somehow takes away from their existing relationship. Either one partner is not sharing their new love with the others, or they are loving another to the exclusion of the previously existing relationships.
INCLUSION is a high ideal in Polyamory for several reasons. 1. Sharing mutually loving experiences strengthens the bond between all parties. 2. It is easier to manage physical time and place logistics when all lovers can come together for dates and lovemaking. 3. Inclusion is an optional invitation that increases the possibility for connection (that invitation doesn’t have to be accepted inorder for inclusion to occur.) Many polyamorous couples build inclusion into the agreements of their relationship. When making relationship rules, many poly couples use terms such as: Package Deal, Prior Agreement, or Polyfidelity.
PRIOR APPROVAL. When a couple agrees to open the relationship but they want to meet any new partners before moving into sexual territory. Often, the primary partner’s
comfort level is a decisive factor before moving into sexual territory with someone else.
PACKAGE DEAL. When a couple only dates and has sex with others when they are together. Non-exclusion. When primary partners are always invited to join each other’s dates and sleepovers. In other words, nobody spends the night alone unless it’s by choice.
POLYFIDELITY. A relationship of more than two individuals who have made a commitment to keep sexual contact exclusive within the group. In other words, they don’t practice polyamory with outside partners.
For more polyamory terms and guidelines on how to consciously construct relationship agreements that work for all parties, you can order a FREE Polyamory Roadmap, just by signing up for Kamala Devi’s monthly newsletter. Or to get her book “Sacred Sexual Helaing” With Baba Dez on her new store, go to: http://www.kamaladevi.com/
All Rights Reserved by Kamala Devi.
If you’d like to join Kamala Devi and the San Diego polyamory family for a fun weekend retreat to explore firsthand how they do polyamory, check out Poly Palooza: Top 10 reasons to go to a 4-day festival for free lovers! or go to Poly Palooza: The Weekend Festival for Free Lovers.
- How to Attract and Navigate New Relationship Energy (NRE) in Polyamory
- Tips and Terms from Polyamory: Married and Dating Episode 3