A month ago, I set out on a sexual shamanic pilgrimage to the holy city of Jerusalem. The result: A deep reclamation of my soul. If it sounds dramatic, it’s because it is.
Since today is my first day back from Israel, it is too soon to say what the lasting affects will be, but as a perpetual work-in-progress, I am eager to share some of the shimmering gems I picked up along my path.
If you haven’t heard, in the last few years, I’ve been suffering from Insomnia, anxiety, and intense seizures. This collection of debilitating symptoms make up a condition called Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD.) I’ve surrounded myself with a wide community of holistic healers who’ve worked on every dimension to help me cope with my irrational stress response. In addition to western medical tests, diet, exercise, supplements and therapy, I started using deep shamanic tools for soul retrieval.
From a shamanic perspective, trauma is considered any event that is more than the soul can handle, so it seeks safety by leaving the body. In psychology this process is known as dissociation. The soul often doesn’t know when the trauma has passed or when it is safe to return, so a Shamanic soul retrieval is sometimes necessary to reclaim a piece of your essence that might be frozen, lost, or even stolen. (If you want more info, google Sandra Ingerman.)
It’s frustrating not to know the exact cause of my trauma. I have tons of miserable memories, but can’t pin-point a defining experience of childhood rape, sexual abuse or any other specific time when a piece of my soul fled my body. And yet, I also cannot recall a time in which I felt safe to be fully in the world of form. As far back as I can remember, I have had one foot on the earth and the other foot ready to escape into the spirit realm. I’ve always straddled two worlds. But instead of being fully welcome in each, I recently felt stuck between both.
When I turned 40, something strange started to happen. I started hearing a voice. It wasn’t a deep booming voice from the clouds or a still small whisper from within. It just sounded like me. It was not my personality, an aspect of my mind, or some extraterrestrial entity. It was my soul speaking to me. It moved through me with a distinct resonance of truth. Hearing it did not make me somehow superior or enlightened. The voice was not all-knowing. In fact, it often said: “I don’t know.” So this struck me not so much a revelation, but a sign that I was re-connecting to my soul.
One night, before my trip to Israel, this voice woke me up and demanded that I re-dedicate myself to learning, not from any external teacher, but from my own soul.
My outer journey through Israel took me to the Dead sea, the Western wall, ancient tunnels, fresh water springs and salt caves. I camped by the Jordan River, rode along the Sea of Galilee and hiked through the hills of Jerusalem. The trip culminated in my co-facilitating ISTA’s (International School of Temple Art’s) Level 1: The Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Experience with Ohad Ezrahi and Dawn Cheri. And then I was spontaneously called to extend my trip to deepen my studies with Bruce Lyon as he led ISTA’s Level 2: The initiation.
My inner journey was far richer than I could ever describe. It involved rituals, visions, erotic trance and divine revelations. Through eye gazing, truth telling and shamanic journeying, with Jews, Christians, and Arabs alike, my soul recognized itself again and again in the reflection of my tribe.
Some gems from my harvest include: My animal self facing her resistance to death. My little girl reclaiming the power she had lost during early religious damage. My sister-self releasing competition and comparison with other women. My lover-self letting go of the need to control and possess anyone else’s genitals. My mother-self embracing her deep and wise animal instinct. My inner masculine re-committing to presence and truth. My temple priestess re-dedicating herself to awakening the collective. And finally, my soul reminding me why I am here. To bring back temples where we are free to worship with our whole bodies!
I am feeling immense gratitude to this mysterious tantric path which keeps weaving with the paths of many other powerful beings who are practicing embodied enlightenment. I hope you are called to play in our field as I continue to integrate these teachings in San Diego and expand on this journey at my next ISTA level 1 training in Hawaii, January 7-13, 2016 with Ohad Ezrahi and Robert Silber!
To sign up for KamalaDevi’s monthly newsletters please fill out your email on the sidebar to the right. And check out past month’s newsletter go here:
- Life is a Laboratory: A Letter from my heart, Love KamalaDevi (September 2015)
- Is This Too Much Information? (Love from KamalaDevi Aug. 2015)