Saying Goodbye to the Woman Who Inspired Me to Become a Sexual Healer: RIP Deborah Taj Anapol Ph.D.

Deborah Taj Anapol

How do I simultaneously celebrate and Mourn the passing of a mentor?

Deborah Taj Anapol, age 64, passed away with surprising elegance in England where she was traveling to lead a retreat. Her friends Marta and Robert wrote a letter with the following astounding details about her final moments on Earth:

“Before she went to bed, Taj wanted to show us a short film about ecstatic death. We watched this together in front of the wood fire, and afterwards she spoke a little more about death, and the possibility of letting go into it. “If you live your life orgasmically, your death will also be orgasmic,” is what she said. She went off to bed later with a warm hug. In the morning, we found that she must have died shortly after she went to bed. In the light of the extraordinary quality of this last day, the joy she took in it, and the things she spoke of as the day ended, I cannot but feel that Taj at some level knew and embraced the point she had arrived at, even so wonderfully in love with life as she was.”

What a incredible inspiration!

Most people know Deborah Taj Anapol as a pioneer of the modern Polyamory movement. Even before Polyamory was popular she advocated for “responsible non-monogamy.” She wrote Love Without Limits, 1992.  She was also a founding member and writer for Loving More magazine. In more recent years she served on the Faculty for International School of Temple Arts, then her focus shifted to Pelvic Heart Integration and the Eco sexuality Revolution. 

Without her, I would not have the freedom to love as openly as I do today.

To me, Taj was not just a mentor but a role model and a friend. She was a massive support to me and my work in the world. On more than one occasion, she thanked me for taking her place as the poster-child for polyamory. She came to Harbin hotsprings to see the world premiere of Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating and she said she was happy to have passed the baton. I’m both smiling to have made her proud, and simultaneously weeping because she’ll never know what she meant to me.

Since she was an advocate of sitting around in a circle of juicy women and “talking story” I have three shameless memories I want to share, after all, this is a radical and eulogy, for a radical woman:

Debrah Taj Anapol Eco sexual

1) I’ll never forget Taj teaching topless at my first pelvic heart initiation in 2004. It was in the middle of the summer and we were an advanced and small group of women. I feel like such a pervert for not paying attention to her teachings because I was too busy staring at her beautiful bosom. She looked so regal, sitting crosslegged with a wrap around her waist and her bare breasts bouncing as she waved her hands about.

2) Ten days after the tragic Exxon Mobil oil spill of 2010, I got a random phone call from Taj. She was deeply distressed. It was important to her that I understood the severity of the situation, and what the media is not talking about. I remember getting off the phone in awe of the depths of her feelings. She cared so deeply for her Lover Earth.

3) Deborah Taj Anapol once attended the largest sacred sexual play party I’ve ever hosted. It must’ve been around 2008, in Sedona when we held a private house party for over 130 Sexual educators and healers. I was both nervous and ecstatic to kick off with a conscious disrobing ceremony. Then my period came in the middle of my performance. Afterwards, Taj asked if there was anything she could do to help “ground” me. We sat in Yab Yum in the center of the room.  She was delighted by my blood (since she had long since said goodbye to her moon-time) she left me feeling completely free of shame.

Deborah Taj Anapol is interviewed by Kamala Devi for the Monthly San Diego Community Polyamory Potluck. She discusses her new book: Polyamory in the 21st Century. And offers a preview to her upcoming Pelvic Heart Integration Weekend.

Deborah Taj Anapol is interviewed by Kamala Devi for the Monthly San Diego Community Polyamory Potluck. She discusses her new book: Polyamory in the 21st Century. And offers a preview to her upcoming Pelvic Heart Integration Weekend.


Of all the teachings Taj offered the last time she was in my living room in San Diego, the most memorable words were these:

“Love is limitless. The form can change at any time. What counts is allowing love to dictate the form rather than forcing love into whatever mold the mind has decided is right.”–Deborah Taj Anapol.

I’m going to miss her monthly newsletters. They seemed to shout:
“Hello world!
Here are intimate details of what what’s moving through my heart right now….” Her tone was so transparent and authentic. Whenever I took the time to actually read them, I always learned something about myself.
Deborah Anapol knew who she was and wasn’t afraid of to confront people. She seemed to use confrontation to help people grow. In her honor, I vow to resume writing my monthly newsletters. I promise to be even more truthful and vulnerable. I want my readers to feel like lovers.

Indeed, she was the woman who first inspired me to become a sexual healer. But she is also an limitless being who’s calling was not only to pioneer a path towards sexual liberation, but to blaze a trail towards orgasmic death. I could only hope to continue dancing in her direction, all the way through the end!

I will be leading an intimate memorial ritual in San Diego this Sunday. If you are a dear friend, please send me a personal message.

To read Deborah Taj’s most recent work on EcoSexuality, which I am honored to be a contributor on, click HERE on Amazon!  

If you want to read more Eulogies to Deborah Taj Anapol Check these out: 

Deborah Taj Anapol 1951-2015– Polyamory in the Media

The Passing of a Polyamory Trailblazer– Loving More Magazine

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About KamalaDevi McClure

KamalaDevi McClure is a mystic, author, & Muse. Her family stars in Showtime’s docu-series, Polyamory: Married & Dating. She is the director of SD Tantra Theater, teaches sacred sexuality, and is lead faculty for ISTA. She lives by the beach in San Diego with her husband and son.

6 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye to the Woman Who Inspired Me to Become a Sexual Healer: RIP Deborah Taj Anapol Ph.D.

  1. Thank you for this post Kamala and especially sharing your stories. I remember the event in 2008 and how wonderfully it all came together. It was very new to me at the time and I was truly in awe of how you and Taj navigated what I would have thought to be a big problem. It a ripple effect began. It makes me wonder how many people are in the beautiful and loving ripple that Taj has created across the globe. She has left an amazing legacy.

  2. Thank you for this. That’s Taj all over …
    She was one of my first teachers … and first “clients.” She profoundly changed the trajectory of my life, my growth, my energies. I remember the deep warmth, solace, and comfort in sleeping with her the night before I was to give her the healing session she had requested. I was in awe and felt unworthy, unprepared. In the night I surrendered to the wisdom she knew was there all along. And learned to trust more in the space of not-knowing, no-control, and beyond comprehension …
    I last saw her about four years ago, visiting her in San Rafael for a few days, again so grateful for her impulse to serve as “tour guide” for me … Muir Woods, Muir Beach, her beloved Mount Tamalpais …
    I only had one “class” with her. A week-long intensive that radically dissolved my sense of self, boundedness and limits. But in each interaction thereafter, I was left further expanded, inducted, and enriched.
    Once I get over this grief, I know that I will feel her even more available to me in my heartfield. Undounded. Limitless. (( <3 ))

  3. Pingback: Passing of Deborah “Taj” Anapol | World Polyamory Association

  4. Thank you, Deborah for the Celebration of Eros 1997 at Harbon which showed me responsible polyamory & introduced me to so many teachers that are still part of our community. Thank you for your unceasing, Loving,trailblazing energy & contributions to All the Beings of the Beloved Earth! Feeling Your Loving Light continuing Shining on All

  5. Beautiful, Kamala. I love how Taj reminds us that love extends not just to ourselves and others, but to all life on our beautiful planet. How it has not just personal implications, but political ones as well. <3

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