I am sincerely touched by the thoughtful and thought provoking letters and comments that I get in response to my Polyamory activism. I take time to personally read them every morning over tea, however, it is not humanly possible for me to respond while traveling, being a mother, maintaining multiple lovers and of course, working on my next new book.
Today, I got fan mail which contained insightful and intimate details of a triad who’ve been practicing free love for 4 years with 4 kids. I was so moved this woman’s insights into free love that I asked for permission to post it so you could read it too. If you like this letter, please comment and I am happy to post more from my fans, we are all students and teachers.
Interesting side note. Most of my fan mail falls into 5 categories:
- Declarations of love for the pioneering work we are doing.
- Private details about the kinky or intimate inner workings of one’s love life, with a desperate plea for advice (or for me to join in.)
- Polyamorous peers who are well intended but upset that I’m not representing well, something to the effect of: I make too many agreements, I am not politically correct or my public promiscuity gives poly a bad name.
- Hate mail from the religious extremists.
- A foreigner who promises a percentage if his fortune if I simply help him move millions of dollars from his bank in Nigeria by wiring him money in advance… Wait, you got this one too? Don’t tell me it’s a scam!?
Joking aside, here is the letter that I deeply touched me. If you want to read more, please comment.
I wanted to thank you your free love video and your post about “loving the way that God Loves” I have been In deep self exploration of both these topics. I have been in a triad for 4 years, and we did not even know the term poly existed until we watched your show, we just fell into each other’s lives and thought we where the only ones;) We where shocked to see people living kind of like us.
You have been a topic in our family for years, your show helped open us in the world.
We have 4 kids between us. We met on the philosophy of free love, my partners are married we have all lived together in till 3 months ago when we moved into 2 houses next-door and we are restructuring our dynamic.
We have not come across the need for anyone else however the past few months have brought a restructure that has tested every boundary I never new I had. Free Love to me is not only a sexual topic it’s about the way you love. It’s love in full gratitude for every moment you share with that person, with no bounders or exceptions of their experiences or your experience with them. Also, with full trust in yourself and your partner(s). I can see that this is my truth because when I tried to control what I thought I wanted, life got messy.
As a unit, we went on a journey together. An inward journey of openness, gratitude, respect, and honor. We have crossed every bridge over boundaries, walls, expectations, non action and separation– only to find ourselves beautifully back at the beginning. Just being grateful that we get to wake up and spend the day as a family. We are still going strong readjusting and expanding.
Even though things don’t look the same as they did, we are as aligned as 3 people can be. We share a deep understanding: To love someone freely you must truly want them and yourself to be free to experience life. In order to love deeply you have to let go of controlling. And let go of what you think you want. Just trust the flow. So everyone has the space to grow and expand.
It is with my my deepest love for their marriage and honor for how much we have grown, that I hold the faith in free love.
My feeling on how you reach God-state-of-love is by first understanding that God doesn’t Love, “God” is Love. So loving freely and completely in every moment and know with complete faith that you are the source of love, therefor it can not be taken it can only be expanded more. God has no boundaries, so to love in the vibration of oneness you must first tackle the fear of being al-one, the need for bounders, and the desire to control. The only focus can be trust that your heart is cradled by your own strength and wholeness.
The issue I see with free love for mainstream, is that people don’t trust themselves, they don’t always see their divine self, so how can they completely trust or be trusted? Free Love is an evolution of our understanding of love. It’s a big responsibility and requires a lot of self reflection. I to am on a journey to find my deepest ability to love, accept myself, and experience the freedom of loving freely.
I was happy when I found poly, I thought it was my loop hole around having to give up all control, it was not! Our truth is that we can all only be completely free and trust that we will honor each other. Its a rush when your heart feels so filled with a Love, you may stumble at first to release the need to control and if you can really do it, it’s where the deepest parts of self is felt.
This last year was a challenge of my true self and it was the greatest gift of my journey. Free Love is my true passion, I tried to love openly with boundaries and it crumbled because it brakes the first and only rule to free love: their are no boundaries. My journey has shown me that when it comes to Relationships, all you can do is start with self love, trust, have gratitude in every moment and let go of the rest. Although this process has has brought me face to face with my shadows, it has also rebuilt someone I am excited to meet!!
Thanks for what you do, you share so much to open the doors for so many! you are a deeply beautiful soul!
Yes, you can post this, and if anyone wants to continue the conversation, they can contact me at: