Is love and/or sex addiction real? Or are they sick social constructs used by a sex-repressed and deprived culture to shame and control people who are having more pleasure than them?
When I posted the above inquiry on Facebook, I was overwhelmed by so many thoughtful and controversial comments that I decided to continue the dialogue on my blog with you!
The theme of sex addiction also runs through our Tantra Theater spoof video: Shit Tantra People Say. This video is intended to make fun of “California Hot Tub Tanta” so that some of U.S. modern western Tantra Teachers can laugh at themselves and not take the accusations that “it is all about sex” so seriously. Obviously, with almost 200,000 views, we must have hit a nerve. Thank you: Shawn Roop, Viraja Ma, Michael McClure, Roxanne DePalma, Cheri, Jen, Tahl and other Tantra theater Players!
Here are some of my favorite Facebook comments:
There are people who make anything an addiction. If it prevents you from handling other aspects of your life then it’s addiction. Otherwise it’s just fun. – M.O.
Addiction is real. Each person knows deep down inside if the love and sex they are having is nourishing or depleting. – S.B.
There is no such thing as sex-addiction. This is a “sick” puritanical last-gasp effort to maintain the crumbling sexual repression. – W.B.
I say both. People are complex and may even experience both at the same time. – R.C.
When I hear of Sex addiction it is almost always in the context of a monogamous person who cannot stay committed in their relationship. Perhaps some of those with sex addiction simply feel they have no other outlet for their sexual desires other than to lie and cheat. That is why the work you are doing to bring another relationship model is so important….Some people may simply be more comfortable in a multi-lover situation. – C.A.
I don’t think it’s connected with a moral judgment…it’s a scientific reality. Maybe the oxytocin rush of new relationships keeps someone addiction prone..? – S.J.
Yes. Love addiction to an individual can cause attachment and possession. Ditto w sex addiction. I know many women who remained in horrible violent relationships because the sex was so good. – J.R.
Nope. – R.O.
Haha good question… keep in mind though that much on America is seriously repressed and just not open to…..well…being open. – J.M.
I have seen plenty of evidence of both. Quite a few folks in the sex-repressed camp (such a dreary place) judging anything as depraved that smacks of sex beyond what they see as “normal” monogamous pair bonding. But I have also seen plenty of behavior that looks for all the world like addictive behavior, racking up notches on one’s “sexual belt” that mean no more to the racker than another drink means to an alcoholic. – N.W.
With 30 years of recovery from addiction in a twelve step program, I can reassure you that a pleasure/sex dominated life, SUBSTANCE FREE, is NOTHING like chemical addiction! Some of us use sex for odd purposes, like attempting to treat self esteem issues, but open, lusty, playful and frequent sexual play isn’t addiction in our circles. – E.F.
Thank you, Kamala Devi for raising this question. Speaking for a moment as a medical doctor: the word addiction describes a behavior that a person continues with even though it is harmful to themselves and/or the people around them. Responsible sex positive people make sure that their sexual behavior is helpful & beneficial. And therefore cannot be “addictive behavior.” – H.M.
I think its important to note that Kamala Devi’s actual question was “Is love and/or sex addiction real? ” – the answer is unequivocally yes. – P.M.
Definitely exists, but it is highly over-diagnosed. Some would say I’m a sex/love addict, but I’m not. Are there times I’d rather make love than do something else I should? Yes! However, never chosen over something I HAVE TO do. – J.F.
I’d say it’s real only if it takes over your life. I believe celibacy, the polar opposite, is just as dangerous. There needs to be a balance in everything without total deprivation of anything. – J.M.
Well, now you’ve heard some of the comments. What is YOUR opinion?! Please comment below. Or follow me on Social Media: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LoveKamalaDevi
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Reprinted from Kamala Devi, author, mentor and activist. She offers a library of free resources on sacred sex, polyamory, and tantra. Subscribe here: http://www.kamaladevi.com.